Lord grant me the strength and serenity that I need..

Why my Child? Where have I gone wrong? Are the things that run through me mind almost on a daily basis. It is so hard to sit back, and see that my child is the bad one, the one causing trouble, out of all the other children. What have I done to make my child the one that stands out, in a bad way, amongst a group of children? When I dreamed of having children I, of course, I imagine like any other Mother dreamed of having a cute little girl that would let me dress her up, do her hair for her all pretty, and that she would be one of the good girls that listened. I learned from my mistakes and I could teach a little girl to be better than I was. However, my little girl is the polar opposite. She hates baths, she doesn't like pretty clothes, she desparetly despises her hair to be pretty and be anything but a huge rats nest of a mess. She is the one that is defiant to me in public, for everyone to see. She is the one that runs away from me and doesn't want me to hold her hand as we walk. So I ask myself, "Why my child? Where have I gone wrong?"


Now this all stems from Church today. Before the kids get to go to Children's Church they have to sit with their parents, quietly, for about 20 minutes while the Pastor speaks, testimonies are given, and we sing. All the little boys and girls were sitting quietly with their parents listening, some singing, some sitting quietly and coloring. Did mine? Oh no. She was the one that wanted to throw a fit, who wanted to lay down on the floor under the pews, crawl, lay on the pews, kick her shoes off, talk loudly. So I have to take her to the nursery and see if she will be good. As I'm leaving the nursery she begins throwing another fit saying that she "Didn't want to ANYTHING!" So I took her to the bathroom and put her in the corner. And as my daughter is throwing her fit in public, I too begin to have a mini meltdown and just prayed that no one would walk into the bathroom. As I'm crying my daughter looks at me and turns her head...as if my being upset did not phase her one bit. Once she finally decided to be good and I was able to pull myself together we went back to the sanctuary and everything was okay from there.

Why does she continue to test me like this? Why can't I have that seemingly perfect child that every other Mother at Church has? Is it because I'm young? Am I too soft with her? Do I not give her enough attention or do I pamper her too much?

As parents, I know that we do learn as we go and experience trial and error. Although, by four years old I would think that I would have learned something about how to handle these outbursts that she continues to have.

So my prayer today..
Dear God, please grant me the strength to be humble at heart, to learn to forgive and to let go, to be patient and not quick to anger, to be more faithful in you and the path you have laid for me. Lord be with me as I am constantly struggling to find peace with myself and with those around me. You are my rock, my strength and my light and I ask dear Lord for you to guide me always. Also Lord please allow me to find the confidence in myself that I know you have in me dear Father. Please keep my family safe and grant us all peace and happiness dear Lord. Amen!