its funny how things can happen..

Its been some time since I have wrote anything....I think its because I finally got my medicine. :-/ I hate being on Celexa. I feel like..my brain is broke or something. Like I HAVE to have medicine to fix my emotions, my thinking, my thoughts, my feelings..its just not right. Why can't we all just be..normal?

You know, its funny how things can change you. Yesterday, I read that someone, a pregnant woman, passed away in a car accident. I had only spoken to her a couple times, not directly, just through a message. Although I didn't know her, I just cried. She had a daughter that was only a month older than Kori. So I got to thinking about death somewhat.

Everyone is scared of death..but why? Once you are gone, you are gone. Its not like you are gone, and then you are sitting there thinking like, "Wow, I shouldn't have done that...look where it got me?" Its not like you are going to be sad that you are gone..because you are just...GONE. No..what made my cry was thinking, "What if that was me? What would my family be going through?" All I could think about is Kori. My little Kori. She is so attached to me. She loves me so much, and if I am gone for just an hour she cries and tells me that she missed me. What if I was gone for life? Just thinking of her throwing fits, crying herself to sleep, asking when is Mommy coming home. Every time she scraps her knee, or needs some encouragement in an activity that she is doing..Mommy wouldn't be there. I am not scared of death itself, when it is time, it IS time. Nothing is going to prepare you for what is to come..what I would be scared of..is all of the sorrow and pain that my children and husband would go through. It wouldn't be fair to them for me to be ripped from there lives.

So now, here I sit, once again, tearing up in thought of the family that was ripped to shreds. Life is too short...and most of the time it isn't fair. BUT take what you get, and make the best of it. Don't gripe, don't complain about how things don't go your way, don't spend your days sleeping in or throughout the day. You never know when something is going to happen and you are going to be taken from this Earth. Always hug your kids and tell you that you love them, constantly praise them, encourage them, kiss them, play with them. You never know when it will be the last kiss, the last hug, the last "Good job honey!", the last I love you, the last time you gaze into their eyes. It won't be that important to you in the end because you aren't here to remember it...but to them it means EVERYTHING.